Each shadow was born from a moment. A moment that defined a reason for being.

Before it became the pattern you wish to unlearn, ignore, smother- it was a small, frightened protestors trying to keep you safe.

In this lesson, we begin to understand our shadow’s language—how fear and love intertwine and learn to listen not for what it did wrong, but for what it tried to do right.

Through guided reflection, story, and gentle reparenting practices, you’ll learn to recognize when your shadow is speaking through old trauma response—and how to respond with grace, rather than shame.

Lesson 3: Building a Relationship with Your Shadow—The Companions ofCuriosity and Grace

Discover how your shadow’s protective patterns (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) were formed through early experience and how they’ve continued to shape your responses.
Learn to recognize these patterns as protective—born of love, not failure—and to respond to them with curiosity instead of judgment.
Practice reparenting your shadow through grace, transforming defense into dialogue and reaction into relationship.
Journal prompts:
- Which protective pattern do you most recognize in yourself?
- What might this part of you be trying to protect?
  How might curiosity and grace help you teach this part a gentler way to feel safe?

Read Lesson 3

Story for the Inner Child- “The Garden of Curiosity and Grace”

There once was a child who hid in a wild garden whenever thunder roared.

They crouched beneath thick vines, knees pressed to chest,

believing that if they stayed small enough,

the storm wouldn’t find them.

One day, as dark clouds gathered again,

a familiar chill brushed the air.

A Shadow appeared beside them, crossing its arms.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe by hiding you,”

“I know how loud the world can be.”

And so the chilled obeyed.

They lived beneath the Shadow’s cover—

safe, but unseen.

Years folded into years.

Safety became silence.

And the world kept passing them by.

Then, one day, something different stirred.

The wind carried a scent the Shadow did not know—

something tender, unfamiliar, alive.

The child peeked from behind the Shadow

and saw two figures waiting at the garden’s edge.

The first held a small lantern that flickered like dawn.

The second carried a gold shawl

that shimmered like sunlight through water.

“Who are you?” whispered the child.

“I am Curiosity,” said the one with the lantern.

“And I am Grace,” said the one with the shawl.

Curiosity knelt in the dirt beside the child.

“Shadow,” they asked gently, “what are you protecting?”

Grace spread the shawl across them both and whispered,

“How tired you must be from guarding for so long.”

The Shadow blinked in surprise.

How did they know I was protecting or how tired I’m now realizing I am?

Its voice trembled as it spoke:

“I learned to fight when no one heard me.

I learned to run when safety disappeared.

I learned to freeze when everything felt too much.

And I learned to please when love felt like a test I could never pass.”

Curiosity listened, while Grace wept quietly beside them.

When the Shadow finished,

the child reached out and took its hand.

“You were only trying to keep me safe,” they whispered.

The Shadow exhaled.

Its edges softened,

its darkness turning to light.

Grace placed the lantern in the child’s hand.

“Now,” she said, “let curiosity lead the way home.”

Closing reflection

Every protective pattern—fight, flight, freeze, fawn was love in disguise.

Each response was your shadow saying, “I’ll keep you alive, even if it costs me your peace.”

When you meet these parts with curiosity, they no longer need to shout.

When you answer them with grace, they begin to trust that they are safe in your care.

Take a moment now to breathe and place your hand on your heart.

Whisper:

“Thank you for protecting me the only way you knew how.
I am here now. I will teach us a gentler way.”

The Protective patterns of the Shadow

Response

Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn

Shadow’s Intention

“I won’t be hurt again.” (Fight)

“I need to escape to survive.” (Flight)

“If I don’t move, I can’t make it worse.” (Freeze)

“If I please them, I’ll be safe.” (Fawn)

Reparenting Practice

Practice assertiveness—honor your voice without hostility

Ground through breath before acting; choose movement consciously.

Bring warmth to stillness; invite one small action at a time.

Affirm your right to need, rest, and disagree.

Each one was love in survival’s clothing.

Gentle Practice- The Curiosity Pause

Next time you feel triggered, pause and whisper:

“Hello, Shadow. I see you protecting me. What are you afraid might happen?”

Then, breathe deeply and let Grace respond:

“You’re safe with me now. We can choose differently.”

Repeat until you body softens.

Journal prompts

Which protective pattern do I most recognize in myself?
When did this part first learn it needed to protect me?
What might Curiosity want to understand about this pattern?
What might Grace wish to sooth within it?
What new response would I like to teach my shadow when this trigger appears again?

sacred reminder

“Every shadow began as a protector.
When we thank it, it softens.
When we listen, it transforms.”

You are not broken for surviving the only way you knew how.

You are brave for returning now—with lantern and shawl—to teach your shadow another way.

“Curiosity opens the door.
Grace holds it open long enough for healing to walk through.”
-Nisa

Lesson 4: Ritual of Reflection- A Sacred Pause